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~~~JUST FOR FUN~~~
THE HIGH COST OF PET OWNERSHIP
Published in Malamute Quarterly 1998

One pet quality dog/puppy from a reputable breeder           750
Doggy photo album, extra film                                          35
AKC registration & certified pedigree (for bragging)              33
Puppy vaccinations/rabies                                               250
Neuter/spay surgery to avoid OOPS! with neighbor's muttly   75
Heartworm test & preventative (prevent now or hospitalize   65
later at 5x cost.
Fecal Checks twice yearly                                                 20
Fencing for the yard (small kennel to whole yard        200-3000
Reinforcement for yard fencing                                          50
Puppy obedience classes                                                125
Subscription to the Malamute Quarterly                             44
Large Den Like crate                                                      140
Designer Down-filled doggie bed for crate                          45
Cheaper replacement bed (other got chewed up)                 25
Replace with old towel/rug (chewed up again)                    -0-
Toys-Truckload, NylaBones, Booda bones, Kongs, balls,       75
squeeks/stuffed animals to "kill/gut)
Vet bill to remove balls, squeekies, stuffed animal parts    500
Training treats to motivate, (you want ME to come)            50
BitterApple, rawhides, chew hooves, pig ears (to save         60
$5000 on furniture/woodwork) Repair chair anyways           30
Doggie Door (in/out/in/out/in/out                                     45
Baby gates (good till junior learns to jump)                       35
Leash, collar, dishes, grooming brushes, nail clippers,         80
and can't forget that pooper scooper
Coat grooming (home versus professional)                     0-500
Dog license - save $3 if neutered                                     10
If you let him roam, include $$$ for fines, livestock           250
replacement, angry neighbors and pound fees
Lawyer's consultation fee                                                 75
Bath supplies - dog shampoo, Skunk-Off, dog towels           15
Misc. Emergency vet care (dog fights, broken teeth)           240
Emergency vet care for neighbor's ShihTzu that                  275
challenged your dog
Ask for frequent visitor discount from vet after            15-5000
hip replacement, swearer to cover his coat funk
Food (if you buy cheap food, need bigger pooper scooper    750
Dog house/bedding (he's become so annoying in house)     100
Boarding  kennel for vacations                                     10/day
Missing pies/brownies, roasts/chicken off countertop          235
(been outsmarted by the best)                                       
Replace chewed pants, (treats left in pocket)                      60
Harness, sled, all-terrain vehicle to pull couch potato    0-2,500
future Iditarod lead dog
Flea, tick spray/powders/collars, etc.                                  60
Commercial vacumn cleaner/bags, anti-shed spray              600
Gallons of Windex (noseprints  on glass)                            50
Carpet cleaning (muddy paws on the new white carpet)       650
Gave up-put down hardwood floor                                   2000
Replace holes in lawn, dug up flowers, defoliated trees       195
Your Psychological counseling for unknown body parts      75/hr     deposited in your
lap as a proud present
SECOND DOG...
Show quality this time....large van or sport vehicle
that can transport TWO big dogs........

"Disclaimer:  For Those drollery-impaired, this is humor
~ENJOY~                      
Dear GOD...Thank you for the
treats that we are about to
receive.....  NIKO & SHIYA
I guess I missed it.....
maybe next time.....
Lucy Lou
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God:   Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed?
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever
smell one another.
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch?
Or is it still the same old story?
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still
a bad dog?
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and
Frisbee flights paths.  What do humans
understand?
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I  have to apologize?
Dear God I promise:  I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or
after they throw it up.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs or poop, just because I like the
way it smells.
The litter box is not a cookie jar and the sofa is not a 'face towel'.
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he is on the toilet.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying
'hello'.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house~not
after.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God when I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
FROM:  A DOG NAMED HORSE                                   
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